How come I can never find anything?
Because you're a slob, June.
Because you are a disorganized...
Ooh! Dumpling.
Chloe?
What?!
I heard something.
Yeah! You screaming "Chloe! Chloe!"
At the top of your lungs!
What was that?
Surprise!
Aah! Aah!
Nuts! Nose! Nuts! Nose!
Teddy!
It was me. I was the noise she was hearing.
Who is Teddy,
and w what is this room that I've never seen before?
Oh, that's our third bedroom.
I use it as my closet.
And Teddy and I went to
psychopath camp together when we were kids!
June, I didn't tell you about the closet,
and that's a big thing
to keep from somebody.
I'm sorry.
It's so good to see you!
I'm gonna give you a back crack!
Back crack! Back crack!
♪ I'm not
perfect, I'm no snitch ♪
♪ but I can tell you ♪
♪ she's a... ♪
♪ Ba da da da da ba, ba da ba ♪
♪ ba da da da da ba, ba da ba ♪
This whole room is for your clothes?
I keep my suits in a trash bag
on the fire escape.
Camp c.U.T.S... It stands for "callous"
unemotional trait survivors."
You kept the shirt?
Of course I kept the shirt.
I loved it there.
Should we sing her the camp song?
We are normal children.
We don't torture animals.
Respect your therapist.
Take your meds.
Our pain is hopefully finite.
My mom sent me to camp c.U.T.S.
Because she thought I had trouble expressing any emotion.
I had no reaction to that.
And my mom sent me because of what I did to my brother.
What'd you do to your brother?
So every year, Teddy goes off his meds,
and he comes to town for the Carter marsh warehouse sale.
Unmedicated Teddy
is exactly what I need to help
fend off the vicious women from Connecticut
who s.U.V. In for the biggest sale of the year.
Can you hear them, June,
preparing for battle,
sharpening their fingernails?
Shing shing. Shing.
This is the dress that I want.
Retail value is $4,000.
They'll Mark it down to $399.
They'll only have one,
and they'll hide it... But I'll find it.
What does Teddy do?
He clears a path and erects a force field.
I'm tough, June, but I need a warrior...
Someone with no fear.
You were the fearless one.
You pushed miss wu out of the ice cream truck
and threw us all bomb pops.
Wu was slow. She had to be pushed.
That camp was the best.
It's so sad that it's gone.
What happened to it?
It burned down.
Closed.
And so what about you?
How many guys in your rotation?
Seven.
But she only loves one!
June, shut up!
She does? Who is he?
His name is Benjamin.
He directed a wonderful movie that James was in
called "love monster."
Never heard of it!
They met on Halloween,
and she thought she was
playing a trick on him,
but it turned out he was playing a trick on her,
and they had a romantic scene
at the airport and they haven't talked
to each other since.
Excuse me. What is going on under your top?
It's a, uh, it's a bathing suit.
Aah! Devil!
What? It's been really crazy at work,
and I haven't had time to do laundry.
June, if you wanna come with us to the warehouse sale,
I'd be happy to block for you, too.
That's very sweet, Teddy, but I don't need
any new fancy underwear.
June, you deserve
that urinary tract infection
that bathing suit's giving you.
Okay, when you said we were
getting a v.I.P. Walk through,
I pictured the exact opposite of this.
You can't go to war if you don't know the battlefield, James.
The only good thing about this sale
is the xanadu it creates
at the flagship store.
While you guys are here battling it out,
I will be uptown shopping in peace.
I'll even check in on how the beek jeans are selling.
I usually end up signing a couple pairs
for young homosexual tourists.
Oh, look! There they are...
The Connecticut crew,
still all sweaty from the carpool ride in.
Oh, the ringleader's really let herself go.
Hey, Heather! Hi!
You're fat!
Chloe, that woman is with child. I know.
Hey, Heather!
Good luck dragging your fat ass
around here on Saturday.
My name is faith, and I know just where
they'll stash it.
My dress.
I'm gonna go flatten their tires.
So, James, what's up with you?
Uh, I passed on a chemistry read
with Helen hunt for some TV pilot.
Uh huh. What else?
My second cousin Janet is in love with me.
Her hugs remain wildly inappropriate.
Uh huh. What else?
Why don't you just ask me?
Ask you what?
How Benjamin's doing.
Who Benjamin?
Chloe, you guys obviously like each other.
You haven't talked since Halloween.
Why don't you just call him?
And be the first one to make
the second move? No way.
Chloe, you like this guy.
Stop playing games.
He's out of town, but I'm sure he would love to hear...
Practice drill! Oh!
Damn it, James!
Stop distracting me with your weird Benjamin obsession!
I have to focus!
This is the most important week of my life.
John Goodman?!
Is John Goodman at the v.I.P. Walk through?
Oh! No, that's just Heather.
It's just Heather, everyone!
No autographs. Don't run up to her with a pen.
This person was not on "roseanne."
Be right back!
Gotta use the ladies'!
Frickin' bathing suit.
I do not have time for this.
Damn it!
I'm in.
I wanna go to that sale.
Yay! Okay, just remember...
Hair in a bun, no loose clothing.
Why?
Access point! Access point! Access point!
Ow! You didn't know those were clip ons!
Access point! Ow!
Access point! Access point! I get it!
Surprise.
Benjamin!
You came to see me.
That means you made the first second move.
Uh, no. Sorry, I'm not here to see you.
I'm here to surprise jimbo with
a gift I bought him in Italy.
You got me a present?
But you thinking I made
the first second move
is actually you making
the first second move.
Uh, what?
No, I... Benjamin, Teddy.
Teddy, Benjamin.
Chloe and I went to... He's June's boyfriend!
He was... he was gonna say,
"Chloe and I went... To June's boyfriend."
Honk honk! Honk honk!
Relax, honey.
Okay.
June, I need you to pretend to date Teddy.
If Benjamin knows too much about me,
he'll just use it against me as ammunition...
The same way you told me you used to wet the bed,
and now I refer to you as "pee dragon."
You're asking me to pretend date
your mentally unstable friend
who is currently off his meds.
Come on! June, it's Teddy.
He's fine.
I'm coming for you, Eli.
Bring it, Teddy.
See? Eli loves him.
Please, June? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?
Well, since you're basically admitting that I'm right
and you love Benjamin
as much as I want you to, I... Teddy!
You have to pretend to date pee dragon.
Can I wear a mask?
No. I'm in.
No.
Hey.
What's going on in here?
Uh, we w we were just, uh...
We're boob feeling.
Let's all go on a double date.
Chloe,
your friend just suggested a double date...
Your friend you've been whispering with
here in the kitchen.
You wanna go out with me.
No, I don't. I actually
don't want you to go.
Well, I'm not gonna not go
because you don't want me to.
Well, I'm not going to not go
because you don't want me to.
June, where are we going?
I... No, don't tell them yet.
W... Don't tell them yet. No.
How about this?
That little movie's taken over the world, huh?
Yep.
I think I'm still picking
pink fur out of my teeth.
So... Jimmy jimbo...
What's going on with you?
I, uh, just got a new bidet installed.
Uh huh. What else? Yeah.
I had a crazy fight with my mail lady the other day.
Uh huh. What else?
Why don't you just ask me?
Ask you what?
What's going on with Chloe.
I'm tired of being in the middle
of your guys' relationship.
W what? W we're not in a relationship.
Come on, stop the games.
Listen, Chloe's not good
at making the first move,
especially if it's in the right direction.
But just cut the nonsense,
and she will, too.
I promise you.
You mean, just...
Be real?
I know it sounds crazy, but it works.
It's like in the movie,
when I had to look past all the monster stereotypes
and just see plinko for plinko.
You're an intuitive actor
and an incredible friend.
Thank you.
Any time.
Of course he's late.
It's a power move.
And I'm sitting here with
my hand up my dress like a jerk.
Why are we here so early?
It's only 5:00.
I'm not hungry yet.
I still feel lunch.
Because we have to go to bed at 8:30.
We need to be at the warehouse
at 6:00 A.M. sharp.
Where's Teddy?
This is ours. We were seated first,
but you got bread first,
and that's not fair.
I love you.
Oh. Okay. Okay.
Thank you.
Well played.
Showing up late,
establishing your dominance.
No more games, Chloe. I came by your apartment
because I wanted to
surprise you, not James.
Actually... I blew off big meeting I had in L.A.
Because I wanted to come here and see you
because I missed you.
What's happening?
I I think
he's just being honest with you.
Maybe you can... You can do the same?
Oh.
I'm having an affair with Teddy.
What?
June, I'm really sorry you had to find out this way.
If you need to have an ugly cry,
there's a couch in the bathroom.
Uh, Chloe, I was just
totally honest with you, so I don't get...
What don't you get?
I'm having an affair with Teddy, and June's about to ugly cry.
Come on, June, give them a little preview.
It's like...
I can't do it because I'm too cute.
Teddy, let's go.
Hey! I'm testing out
my shopping heels for tomorrow.
What the hell was that? What?
Benjamin was finally being honest with you,
and you tell him this big, huge lie?
Well, the second he said "no more games,"
I got instantly bored.
I realized that's the only reason I was into him,
so I got out of it.
I don't believe you.
I think he finally started
being honest with you, and you got scared
and you bailed.
That's what you do. You run.
No, I don't.
Teddy, will you please talk some sense into her? Ugh.
As you can see, I don't really like Eli.
What are you gonna do, tedford? Flip my pancakes?
Hope you have 10 foot long arms!
Stop calling me "tedford."
Stop secretly loving it!
These are our full dinners, by the way.
I had to have a very uncomfortable chat with Benjamin
as they were boxed up.
I mean, is she serious?
Is this a game?
Yeah, I I don't know.
I don't know.
Hi. Um, can you just... can you just wrap up this
bread for us really quickly? Thank you. Sure.
And also I'm sorry. Can we have, um, a little
extra dressing in, like, in a little one
of these? Thank you. Yeah.
And can we... can we have a bunch of forks?
Too many forks.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.
Okay, well, whatever.
We have to be up tomorrow
at 6:00 A.M. sharp.
You can't avoid your feelings,
just like I can't avoid the spring rolls!
'Cause they're delicious
and they gave me soy sauce
and I'm so happy.
Bam!
Aah!
Wake up! We're late!
I did P.M. instead of A.M.!
Wake up! I'm gonna go get a cab.
It's a bad day to be from Connecticut!
Do you think maybe it's possible you set your alarm wrong...
Ugh! Because you were thinking about Benjamin?
June, don't be ridiculous!
Teddy, clear the entrance!
This way! Go time!
I'm just saying, maybe
last night had an effect on you.
Shut up! Shut up! This is way too much talking
about a guy I haven't even had sex with!
We haven't even kissed, except
for a part of a Halloween trick.
You haven't even real kissed,
and you like him this much?
Further proof of love!
If we weren't late, so help me god,
I would turn around and push you down this flight of stairs!
I owe you one push down
one flight of stairs!
Three minutes to rack!
Let's go!
Help me.
Uhh!
Aah! Uhh!
Where are the changing rooms?
You're wasting precious time!
What the...
Oh, my gosh. These people are crazy.
Ow! Aah! Aah!
I'm still wearing it!
Aah! Ah!
Aah! Go down! Go down!
Tea?
Um, no. No. Thank you.
Actually, you know what?
I will have some tea.
Oh!
This is nice. Ooh!
This is lovely.
Mm.
Uhh! Oh!
Ah! I can't get anything today!
What is wrong with me?!
It's Benjamin!
You like Benjamin! Get away!
Should I get this?
It's $800, marked down to $45.
Yes! Okay.
I'm lost, and I scraped my knee.
Oh, no. Are you okay?
Diversion tactic! Who sent you?!
My grandmother!
What does she want?! That jacket!
Never!
Come on, focus, Chloe!
Focus! Aah! I'm trying!
I'm trying!
Heather?
I'm getting two precious babies today.
I forgot my reference photo.
Give me yours!
Aah! Aah!
♪♪♪
Where's my boutique?
Excuse me?
The beek jeans boutique.
Did you move it to the front of the store?
Oh, Mr. Van Der beek...
They were selling really well,
but then we just reordered too many, and...
They've been remaindered...
To the warehouse sale.
No.
What are you doing?!
It's nice they provided us
with this great chill out corner
just to relax and unwind and...
No, no, no! This isn't... This isn't a place to relax!
This is... fight here, too!
Come on, these are great jeans. You want these.
Look, she's got 'em.
Now she's got 'em!
And... Ooh!
Aah! Faith? Faith?
I'm looking for a woman
who's just given birth? Faith?
You're looking for these!
Did you know about this?
We've been remaindered. Uh...
Madam, can I interest you in
a p... her nose is bleeding.
Her nose is bleeding. She didn't even care.
Okay, this is Benjamin calling me again.
What did you do to him?
I don't care. Don't let her fool you!
She does care!
♪♪♪
Oh, my god.
♪♪♪
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Give it to me! Let go of it!
No!
You're not even a size zero! You can't even wear this!
I had a baby this morning.
You have no idea what I can do.
Teddy!
Faith? Come back to the hospital
and breastfeed our baby.
Go wait in the relaxation corner, Craig!
It's not a relaxation corner!
They're beek jeans, and they're both durable and stylish.
Incoming!
Teddy, help me!
Ah! Yes!
Damn yes! Yes!
Oh, god. Uhh!
What is wrong with me?
She was weak.
I could've... Bitten her or scratched her
or just pushed her and kicked her.
I know she has tender areas now.
I never let a dress go.
Maybe that's because
there's something you want more than that dress,
like Benjamin.
I know that look in your eyes.
I had that same look in
seventh grade over Aaron demayo.
Our schedules never lined up.
♪ camp c.U.T.S. ♪
♪ Let your guard down ♪
I saw him briefly on the stairs on the way to math and science.
♪ Emotions are good ♪
But I'd spend the rest of the day distracted, thinking about him...
♪ People can change ♪
Making easy mistakes like spelling "separate" wrong...
Or, you know, mismarking a hem in home ec. ♪ People can change ♪
That's what happens when you like somebody, Chloe.
Crap.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
I lied to you.
I'm not having an affair with Teddy,
and June's not dating him.
I made all that up
so I could hide how Teddy and I
really know each other.
We went to psychopath camp together.
What?
Which, usually,
I'll proudly tell any stranger
I meet on the street,
but I didn't tell you...
Because clearly,
I care what you think about me.
I mean, clearly I do.
Look how I did at the warehouse sale.
What is that?
A leg warmer
and a dopp kit from Jack spade.
I failed.
And it's all your fault
because, obviously, I really like you.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah, obviously.
Well, when you got all honest
with me at the restaurant,
I freaked out, and it became this whole thing,
and then June ate a lot of food in a swimsuit.
But the thought of not seeing you again...
Just these past few months,
I saw so many things I wanted to tell you about.
I saw a bike messenger with tourette's,
two junkies arguing about
which subway to take uptown.
Junkies arguing over mundane things
is one of my favorite things about New York.
I know! Mine, too!
Chloe, I don't care that you went to crazy camp as a kid.
God, do you care that I went to fat camp?
You mean, like, for a lot
of summers or just one or...
(Of monsters and men's
You kiss like a fat kid.
You kiss like a crazy person.
♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh ♪
No!
Are those all beek jeans?
Yeah. I figured out why people
weren't fighting over my jeans.
It's not the jeans' fault.
It's my fault.
See, I let a great pair of jeans out in the world
without a great shirt and a belt to set them off.
So I'm gonna start a whole clothing line
called le beek chic c'est beek.
- I'm still working on the name. - Mm hmm.
Yay! You're together!
No.
Benjamin is going to L.A.
For a few months to do a movie.
Topher grace plays a schoolteacher. Boo.
So we're gonna keep it casual.
June, what did you do?
Those pants were $28 for leather.
I am so happy with all my purchases.
And Teddy was amazing.
Oh! He's asleep.
His new meds must have kicked in.
Bye, camp friend.
See you next year.
Oh! We couldn't get your dress back.
Faith is surprisingly strong
for a woman who has mesh underwear holding
her uterus together.
But we did manage to get you... This.
Cut it off in the checkout line.
It's the left sleeve!
Her dress is ruined!
You guys are amazing!
- Whoo! - Back crack!
Did you see "shark tank" on Friday?
Oh, my god so intense.
You check out the warehouse sale
this weekend, June?
Yeah! Actually, I did.
Did you, too?
Found some great stuff.
Oh, just... Ruffles.
Mm.
Can't wait till next year.
Mm hmm.